As it is (not) really Far and Away…

My life is a simple book...It is as simple as a rough sketch that you draw in your notes while a boring teacher stands up in front of the class and say blablabla but none of those things he says stuck in your brain …

I don’t have a complicated ambition or a sophisticated moment that gives me an inspiration to spin my world and brings me to U.S.. No bizarre political issue, no melodramatic-heroic explanation nor an overwhelmed experience behind it.

It took only a pirate DVD that I bought in the corner of a dry and dusty road in the southern part of Jakarta in a warm weather of May 2007 to inspire me to come to U.S. and take this good opportunity as what I am doing now. As simple as that…

The movie in that pirate DVD was titled Far and Away, a Ron Howard movie about a young Irish guy, Joseph Donelly (played by Tom Cruise) who escapes from his country, Ireland, with his landlord's daughter, Shannon Christie (played by Nicole Kidman) who he loves most. They want to come to America to build a brand new life. In the land of the dream, as they named America, they struggle to survive and win the day. It’s a nice love story and anyhow it stayed in my mind and my heart on how they fight for their dream; to have their freedom and love.

That time, I was thinking I want to be just like Joseph. I want to be someone who really fights for his dream no matter how hard it is. Even though I and Joseph have a different way in interpreting our dreams (but a little bit the same in interpreting love) and the fact that we live in a different era and culture, one thing for sure, in the end I want to survive my challenge and win the day like him.

Like Joseph, with all his hope of a brand new land in America, I had a dream to reach by coming to this country. I have done my first effort by landing safely here. I have won the first battle. And now, I want reach my dream, to have a piece of land. I want to have a piece of land but not the land in the America’s ground like Joseph’s dream, but here, in my brain. I want to have a piece of land inside my head that I can cultivate it with so many useful things.

Here, in America, I will have a chance to find many seeds that I can cultivate in my land. I already identified some of those seeds; a practical knowledge in my journalism background, friendship with people from other culture, and the most important thing is a lesson of life. Hopefully I will be able to plant them well and handle them with care so it will bring a finest result in the end.

Later on, after a year of my stay in America, I will harvest them carefully. I believe it will be more than enough if I keep all the yields from my land only for myself. Hence I will make a party and invite all people; especially those who I am sure will be able to respect the value of knowledge, friendship and the philosophy of life. We will have a party of brainstorming. I do hope they will enjoy those souvenirs from America.

An important note for me and I should bear it in mind is that not to forget carrying home some seeds to people, not only the yields. I will share with them those seeds and hopefully they will plant them in their piece of land inside their head.

I believe they will be amazed receiving seeds that I bring from America as it doesn’t feel like really far and away to have them.

New York, wed. morning 00.56

Second Autumn in Delft

Not the first. But sometimes, I think, I'd never learnt from my first experience. I always forget that autumn is the best enemies for my heart. The changing from green leaves to yellow and after sometimes becoming red is certainly the changing of the colour of my heart. Life is not green anymore, not also yellow, not red, but blue.

Stephen covey will hate me for this. He will say that I am sucks. He will say that I am only the phatetic looser who is just too reactive not proactive. He will probably say that I am a moron who never learn from experience though I read his 7-habit-book three times in the different time. And I met him once, face to face, on a press conference years ago.

I know myself very well. The second autumn here, in the middle of nowhere, where I think I might find peace of mind, the quay of the journey, the green green grass of home, but still, there is something missing inside. I miss the moment, some moments, which I think the best moment of my life. The warmth, the tenderness, and the peacefulness.

The second autumn in here, in the middle of nowhere. The same tree tells me stories of a farawell to their beloved sunshine. A farawell of not so long-a 4-5 months long- but tough. A days full of grey sky and whispering wind with uncertainty rain in the morning and the night that will be their best friend in autumn.

A mysery-lady marmalade in the lonely cubical room in the cubical building who came in the early autumn starts to dance at the very moment the wishpering wind blows into the cubic with its ghostly sound. And without I'm noticing, I start to dance with the Lady with the dance of exiling and alienating.

Some autumns are somewhat boring, somewhat beautiful, somewhat awful, somewhat cruel, somewhat terrible and somewhat dangerous. But one lonely grasshopper has to find his own shelter to protect him from the whispering wind. Not so long after that, the sun might still shine, and the green green days will return. And happiness will pick him up again...

Night in Delft, on the dance floor of mysery-and a deep missing of my two beloved creatures

Ik Heb Je Lief

'k weet niet of je zit te wachten
op een vriendelijk woord van mij
als ik jou oproep in gedachte
maakt me dat veel beetjes blij
voel het als ik jou zie zitten
als ik je alleen maar ruik
't zit in honderdduizend vlinders
die zoet zweven in m'n buik

'k heb je lief, m'n hele leven
't is veel meer dan "houden van"
't is alsof je in m'n bloed zit
ik zonder jou niet leven kan
jouw mooie ogen doen me smelten
't zet me zo in vuur en vlam
ik voel het enkel bij jouw aanblik
ik krijg het ook van Rotterdam

'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
wat moet ik zonder jou
't zijn vier hele kleine woordjes
en al maakt je dat een beetje bang
'k heb je lief
vier jaargetijden lang

voel het heel vaak als jij opstaat
of na een zomerse bui
ik word al week bij de gedachte
jij die loopt in m'n lievelingstrui

't is mijn hand die jij plots vastpakt
als ik domweg naast je fiets
't komt ook, dat is nou het gekke,
zelfs door helemaal niets

'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
wat moet ik zonder jou
't zijn vier hele kleine woordjes
en al maakt je dat een beetje bang
'k heb je lief14 bloemencorso's lang

ik proef het tijdens ons zoenen
of als je plotseling lacht
ik zie het in vallende sterren
na heftig vrijen in de nacht
't is die tinteling, dat briesje
maakt jou helemaal voor mij
ik denk als ik jou zo zie lopen
God, d'r gaat een engeltje voorbij

'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
wat moet ik zonder jou
't zijn vier hele kleine woordjes
en al maakt je dat een beetje bang
'k heb je lief1001 nachten lang

één van mijn mooiste dromen
is oud te worden met z'n twee
dat die maar uit mag komen
ik heb je lief tot na de AOW

'k heb je lief
wat moet ik zonder jou
't zijn vier hele kleine woordjes
en al maakt je dat een beetje bang

'k heb je lief
104 kerstbomen lang

'k heb je lief
'k heb je lief
m'n hele leven lang

'k kan niet leven zonder jouw, schat...

Lebaran Dulu dan Kini

Lebaran...........

Dulu; keluarga, ramai, rumah, kue, salam-salaman, makan, senang, ketawa, silaturahmi, kenyang, keponakan, jalan-jalan, makan lagi, shalat Ied, lapangan tenis, ke tetangga, pake sarung, ketupat, sayur nangka, sayur pakis, soto, ngumpul, libur, kasih angpauw, beliin baju, lupa beli baju buat sendiri, menghilang dari kantor, sms temen, terima ampe seratusan sms ucapan lebaran, kacang lebaran, bikin rendang, takbiran, gak bisa tidur nyenyak krn takbiran tp gak papa karena seneng, and million else...

Kini; sepi, internetan gak jelas, kangen, sedih juga, keingetan terus, sendiri, komputer, musik sendu, shalat ied di gedung olahraga, manyun mulu, tidur, sepi lagi, nothing, makan indomie, pagi makan cup a soup, makan gratis, ngisi blog, rapihin baju, ngeliatin jaket baru, gak jelas mas...

what a pitty....

The Child in Me

Sometimes I wonder that the child in me: he never really grows older. Stays the same, remains the same, and always be the same, even though he'd been passing so many changes in life.

He is still the child I used to know. The spoiled one but brave, the tough one but sensitive, and the innocent one but tricky. He grows in the long and winding road, but one thing for sure, he stays healthy and fat...

Once, he was crying in the verandah, when parrents no longer stayed together. Fragile, helpless and so deep in blue. He wished that he could fly to the sky to meet the angels and the rainbow that so flattered up there. And he wished to be landed in a different life with a happy ending scenario.

Now,
he is still crying in the balcony, staring at the stars and the crescent moon, wishing that he has wings that can fly him to a nest far across the universe, where he thinks he will find peace of mind.
http://littletom.blogspot.com/2006/09/child-in-me.html

I Love You This Much

tiga hari menjelang,
kau akan datang padaku
memandangiku,
bersimpuh,
menangis,
dan berkata,
"tolol, tali itu cukup kuat untuk patahkan lehermu.."


lalu kau timbun aku,
dan aku masih menyayangimu,
meski aku sendiri
meratapimu dari dalam.

stupid true lover